A mysterious message

I received a text from Penny/Tik today. It was from Tik's number, which means it is either Tik, or Penny pretending to be tik.

"Day Two. Got to sleep, wake up and find out the truth."

I don't know what the fuck it means. One of the posts on this blog is tagged "day two" and one of the posts on TWFNO is also tagged "day two." and "the truth".

I don't know what "day two" means. It could possibly refer to my two-day coma, but I'm not sure. I don't remember dreaming during that time.

I'm looking into lucid dreaming now. I don't know what I'm going to find.

I'm going to stop with the Kitten Mondays from now on. Maybe when everything is alright, I'll start them up again.

I'm sorry. I'm so very, very sorry.

I've been...lost, for a while. A long while. Years, maybe. You can't understand a situation when you're at the centre of it. You can't see fog while you are in the middle of it.

I'm not sure what's safe anymore. Home isn't, school isn't. Being awake or asleep or dreaming or Dreaming isn't. My parents aren't safe, my siblings aren't safe. Tik is...dead, I think. I sent an email to H, of "My Name Was H", but he was compromised himself in an attempt to help me.

I don't know why I matter so much, that He That Is hasn't just given up and moved on to somebody more useful.

My dreams are normal now. I coma'd out for three days, spent two and a half weeks remembering jack shit about all this, and now I feel...fine. Normal. Better than I've ever felt, really. I mean, I still hallucinate- vividly- but I feel less tired, less powerless.

I get the feeling something awful is about to happen.

tick, tock

I'm so tired.

I want to close my eyes, fall back and spiral down into blissful, dreamless oblivion.

I want to

s l e ep/...

nightmare orchestra

I can't tell when I'm waking or sleeping anymore.

I've been posting every day since last wednesday, but I'm not sure if any of them are going through. I'm pretty sure I'm awake now cause I just cut my own throat in my dream and now I'm in my room, so I'm typing this before I lose more time. According to Tik I'm functioning normally from the outside, but I never know if I'm in the dream world or not until I take a leap of faith and swan-dive out the window or stab myself in the gut.

I don't necessarily have to die in the dream world to snap back out of it, I just need to hurt myself, but nonfatal wounds stay with me when I wake up. My school counsellor is trying to get me to see a psychologist about my "self-harm."

Lullabye

I don't understand.

I woke up this morning bleeding from multiple cuts on my legs and feet.

Like I'd actually been in the dream-maze, instead of just dreaming.

I can't make sense of it.

I've tried to record some video logs, but He keeps singing in parts, and I want to expose other people to the song as little as possible. The other  vlogs are actually really irresponsible about the singing, I don't even know what to tell them. Just cut it out of the audio, if your film software's sophisticated enough.

I watched as many vlogs as I could get my hands on a few months back. That was when things started getting worse, and now I know why. He sings, and our electronics can pick it up. You see it, you hear it, and he can see and hear you too.

requiem of the waking dreamer

I can't trust my own perception of reality anymore. I used to know the difference between dreaming and Dreaming, between illusions in my waking hours, my dreams, and the real world. I don't know anymore, and I'm really sorry. 

He sings to us, and we fall in step like a dance troupe made of marionettes, forced to sing the words to a song that kills our friends and make the steps in His sick choreography.

Sometimes I wonder if my life beforehand was the true dream. Going to school, having friends and a family, thinking about the things normal girls think about, like friends and boys and dreams not populated by faceless puppet masters, turning us against each other and watching us tear each other apart. I just dreamed that to escape, to feel happy. I've always been in the mazes, jumping through hoops for the chance to be happy for a while.

i find it kind of funny

i find it kind of sad

the dreams in which I'm dying

are the best i've ever had.

vukgfk emn't bspfb giybrcil c fgy giyxmrk

c'x skguuh imb skucgzuk

vkiih cf imb skucgzuk kctrks

bcy rmwkvks cf, c'vk fvkib fm xuoh bcxk gic wkkmsb ykkvcil rks fgwk- hmu guu ikke bm bsufb rks

cryptograms

for future reference:

GZOEKWLRCTYUXIMVASFBPNQJHD

please note that this scheme does not apply to the last post.

he keeps trying to make me go back to Sleep, he sings that fucking lyllabye and then I'm in the dream-mazes again and I know I'm not really asleep because when I wake up I find I've been acting as if I was awake all this time.

he's cut me off so I can't call for help. I can't even explain to you all fully what's happening to me.

Ahem

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER. PIECE OF CONKSUCKING FUCKING SHIT.

bloody hell.

WQE UAED, TJ'D MGE. T'Y GQMSSE DKGGE, IAJ JWTVUD WMCQ UKJ YABW PKGDQ OKG YQ. WQ'D JGETVU JK UQJ YQ JK UK JK DSQQL QCQGE OQP YTVAJQD MVZ T'Y VKJ DAGQ WKP YABW SKVUQG T BMV GQDTDJ. TJ'D IQQV OTCQ ZMED MVZ T'CQ IQQV MPMNQ MSS JWMJ JTYQ, DK T'Y QVBGELJTVU JWTD YMVAMSSE DK WQ ZKQDV'J GQMSTDQ MVZ OABN AL YE SMLJKL. T ZKV'J NVKP PWMJ QSDQ JK ZK.

sleep

i keep forgetting

to do things like upload kitten mondays

and even that this blog exists at all

i forget about tik, and i forget about HIM

even when he's standing right next to me

putting me to sleep

i don't want to go back to sleep

please

wake me back up

Dying In Dreams

This just in: Whenever I get one of my dreams with the man in it, if I die in the dream I wake up, then I can go back to sleep and sleep like a normal person for a night or two.

Here's a vlog.

Kitten Monday #27

I think the me that was in the maze is dead. I don't know what happened, just that the last thing I remember about the maze is everything being on fire, flesh pretty much melting off my bones and Him screaming. Then I woke up.

I wonder if I'm going to dream normally now, now that I've fucked things up and he's real. Maybe he's going to keep trying to get to me through my dreams. I don't know.

I swear I would explain everything to all of you, but even I'm not really sure what's going on.

But you're not here to read about that.

I'm getting close to the end of my kitten folder. I have a few tumblrs full of cat pictures so I can use those but they're a bit prone to repeats...oh well.

we all have our monsters to conquer

I'm sure somebody else has thought this as well.

what if we all have a slender man?

Working on finding a way to get all the Time Waits posts to you all somehow, cause, well, they were pretty enlightening for me.

(I can't hear you. Get the fuck out of my head.)

Okay, enough is enough

We've been trying to get the remaining posts up on Time Waits and Penny keeps deleting them off Tik's computer, and then when I decided to just do the job myself and upload the txt files Penny changed the password to the blog.

Fuck.

I'm gonna see if I can find another way to get the posts uploaded.

Kitten Monday #26

Holy fuck whatever happened in the maze with the Burning and shit made It mad. It keeps just appearing in the corner of my eye, across the road, across the room, right next to me and as soon as I look at it it's not there.

On a more serious note, kitten time.

Ciao for now,

Ary

[i dream of burning]

[i dream of fire in the maze]

[i am the maze, and i burn too.]

[it consumes everything, burning the walls around me to ash]

[it burns out the in]fection, it burns me clean.

My head's clearer than it's been for months.

I feel awake. Not...Awake, just...awake. Not tired, not headachey.

Alive.

I haven't felt this good in months.

The maze of leaves is burning.

[drown out your lullabyes]

[he sings, and i sing to drown him out.]

[i don't think it would be a good idea to let him out of the maze. which means i am in a pickle, as I do not know whether i am heading out or to the center. i used to be certain it was the latter but i am certain of very little nowadays.]

[people have been telling me it is nice seeing me back to my old self and inquiring as to what happened to make me so morose. i just tell them i was tired, which is the truth.]

[i still feel tired. so very, very tired.]

[i want to sleep. sleep without dreaming, not the sleep he puts you in while he makes you a marionette he uses to hurt others like he did penny. real sleep. i haven't slept like that for getting near a year.]

[i'm tired and i want things to go back to normal again. i want the most worrying thing about my life to be my assignments, want my best friend to not be half a puppet to some monster that doesn't know or doesn't care what it does to the people who's lives it ruins.]

[i feel sick to my stomach, and kind of sad.]

[i'm sick of pretending things are okay, because they're not.]

[a question]

[thank you kindly to Raggedyman for solving the code.]

[i would recommend that those who have not yet figured it out copy and paste the text into a text editor with advanced formatting such as font colours and highlighting enabled]

[for those who are wondering what i am going on about]

[in dreams, you can fly. in dreams, you can fall and die too. if that happens in a dream, what are the consequences?]

Kitten Monday #25

[i think i might be onto something]

[i apologise for the coded message earlier but for now it is necessary]

[tik i'm sorry I've been avoiding you at school but the continual deletion of attempts to repost the last few posts on time waits for no-one mean that penny is still at large and i don't want to risk it.]

[if you could perhaps supply me with the current password then i could post the posts you have given me?]

[for now, dear waking, here are some fluffy felines to ease your mood.]

[everything will become clear soon]

the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog


every time I close my eyes I see the maze.


i'm not afraid of you.

Kitten Monday #24

(I have an idea. I'll report back on how well it goes -- Ary)

Kittens!

you can't control reality.

dreams are another story.

Kitten Monday #23

(Update on sleeping: I certainly feel a lot sharper than I did before, but otherwise not much change. I'll let you all know if anything happens)

Now, kittens!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you an epiphany.

I've been avoiding sleeping all this time, and everything went to shit and I had about four nervous breakdowns and it sucked.

I still don't sleep as much as I should, which is probably why I'm, in my own words, "dopey". I'm tired.

I need to sleep.

I need to Dream.

Interesting theory

Okay, so a week or so ago JediZero over at Stella is Gone posted this really interesting theory- certainly explains why there are differences between each person's perception of the Slender man.


I would have pointed you to it, but when I'm Dreaming I'm too fucking dopey to think these things are important. I'm kinda jealous of people who Wake normally, to be honest-- I think this constant toggling between Dreaming and Waking is having side effects, as it were. I'm getting headaches like nobody's business and I can't seem to get enough sleep. At least I'm the same person whether I'm Awake or Dreaming. Except I'm stupider Dreaming, which is a little understandable because He is always there and knowing he is there but not precisely where is...well, disconcerting is the understatement of the fucking year right there.


I could climb into bed and sleep forever if it weren't for the dreams. The labyrinth. I was gonna highlight that in white (I highlighted certain words in white for a while but I got sick of it and stopped) but unless I want to get mistaken for a shitty proxy I should really be more straightforward. I didn't want to set myself apart from myself when I'm Dreaming, see, because we ARE the same person (difference: I can see Him and I swear a hell of a lot more. That is it.) and the last thing I need is a Penny/Tik-style split. But in retrospect if I'd addressed all this beforehand maybe I would be in a better situation now?


Fuck my life.


--Ary

Kitten Monday #22

Another queued post? Seriously?

(yes.)

KITTENS!

Kitten Monday #21

Hi guys, this is a queued post so no news- just kittens!

Kitten Monday #20

hahaha whoops. I queued a months worth of Kitten Mondays on sunday, except for this monday.

sorry guys, kitten tuesday time.

whatthemetricfuck.avi

I feel kinda stupid now. Apologies for the lack of updates, I got very sick in the week leading up to christmas (literally, I couldn't keep any food down, ehehe) and then we went away on the 24th, and we got back yesterday. I had intended to queue some Kitten Mondays but due to my illness I forgot.

After this post, I will commence to queue a months worth of Kitten Mondays.

But back to the matter at hand. Yesterday, a post, presumably by me during one of my Waking periods, appeared on this blog and it is utterly cryptic.

 I only dimly remember being Awake that day, and it took me quite some time to remember that I had been awake at all. (Tik thought that by "awake" I meant physically awake instead of Awake, which is why she made that comment about being asleep at 2 in the afternoon) Although I remember having a staring contest with It for quite a while, and being quite...angry with it, I don't remember writing that post. I think I slammed the window at some point, and I might have yelled at it for a bit, but I don't remember posting on the blog and the whole "one and two and three and four" thing is just pissing me off because I don't understand it.

By the way, the girl speaking to me in this video (who also appears at the end) is Tik, in case you didn't realise.

Ciao for now,
Ary