[he sings, and i sing to drown him out.]
[i don't think it would be a good idea to let him out of the maze. which means i am in a pickle, as I do not know whether i am heading out or to the center. i used to be certain it was the latter but i am certain of very little nowadays.]
[people have been telling me it is nice seeing me back to my old self and inquiring as to what happened to make me so morose. i just tell them i was tired, which is the truth.]
[i still feel tired. so very, very tired.]
[i want to sleep. sleep without dreaming, not the sleep he puts you in while he makes you a marionette he uses to hurt others like he did penny. real sleep. i haven't slept like that for getting near a year.]
[i'm tired and i want things to go back to normal again. i want the most worrying thing about my life to be my assignments, want my best friend to not be half a puppet to some monster that doesn't know or doesn't care what it does to the people who's lives it ruins.]
[i feel sick to my stomach, and kind of sad.]
[i'm sick of pretending things are okay, because they're not.]
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Friday, 24 February 2012
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
A conversation with Tiktok
Apologies for the lack of a Kitten Monday (AGAIN!) this week. Tiktok and I engaged in the quintessential teenage-girl activity during the holidays- a sleepover and a movie marathon.
I don't really feel comfortable calling her Tiktok. She may only be, in her own words "a shadow of what she used to be", but to me she is still Penny. She likes the same movies, the same music, still laughs at our injokes. She's still my best friend. She's Penny. the part of her she calls Penny, (or She, or Her) belongs to It. She's nothing more than a marionette now.
Speaking of Her, to Tiktok's puzzlement she has not taken the reins, as it were, for quite some time. Since she started reuploading the old posts to Time Waits, in fact. Although it's tempting to assume the best, my life hasn't really worked that way for a very long time.
I transcribed a particular conversations you lot might find interesting. It is as follows:
A: So why do you call yourself Tiktok?
T: She called me that, really. Because in the beginning all I was was the ticking. I couldn't do much else, just tick and tock and tick-tock some more. Back when she was Penny and I was nothing more than self-preservation, urging her to keep away, wake up, see Him for what he was, I was just the ticking. When she lost her identity, I gained mine. And for lack of anything else to call myself, I called myself Tiktok.
A: You've said you are to Penny what Waking!Ary is to m-
T: We're the only cases of Dreaming and Waking I know of, but I hope sincerely that-
A: You sound really weird using formal language.
T: I love you too, you're a great friend- I hope sincerely that splitting the Waking self from the Dreaming self completely to hinder Him from using you for his purposes is the worst case scenario.
A: Uh...what?
T: Okay, to put it shortly, stop referring to your Waking self as separate from yourself. She's still you. You can wake up and see things for what they really are, see things for what they really are. That's probably why the letters in your name are red when you are Awake. You're asserting, to yourself, that you are still you.
A: So Waking is basically some kind of freaky superpower?
T: Not really. From what I can see, most people who are involved Him Wake sooner or later. You're unusual in that even after Waking you still can still go back to Dreaming. That worries me.
A: So what the fuck is Waking actually?
T: It's being able to see Him. That's all. Any other differences are, well- I have this idea that it's because he doesn't belong in our reality so he fucks shit up.
A: Fair. C'mon, we prolly have time to watch another terrible musical before Mum makes us go to sleep.
Personally, I find that highly informative. Anyone have any thoughts? Other than "DONT TRUST TIKTOK". (I heard you the first time, JediZero.)
Ciao for now,
Ariadne
I don't really feel comfortable calling her Tiktok. She may only be, in her own words "a shadow of what she used to be", but to me she is still Penny. She likes the same movies, the same music, still laughs at our injokes. She's still my best friend. She's Penny. the part of her she calls Penny, (or She, or Her) belongs to It. She's nothing more than a marionette now.
Speaking of Her, to Tiktok's puzzlement she has not taken the reins, as it were, for quite some time. Since she started reuploading the old posts to Time Waits, in fact. Although it's tempting to assume the best, my life hasn't really worked that way for a very long time.
I transcribed a particular conversations you lot might find interesting. It is as follows:
A: So why do you call yourself Tiktok?
T: She called me that, really. Because in the beginning all I was was the ticking. I couldn't do much else, just tick and tock and tick-tock some more. Back when she was Penny and I was nothing more than self-preservation, urging her to keep away, wake up, see Him for what he was, I was just the ticking. When she lost her identity, I gained mine. And for lack of anything else to call myself, I called myself Tiktok.
A: You've said you are to Penny what Waking!Ary is to m-
T: We're the only cases of Dreaming and Waking I know of, but I hope sincerely that-
A: You sound really weird using formal language.
T: I love you too, you're a great friend- I hope sincerely that splitting the Waking self from the Dreaming self completely to hinder Him from using you for his purposes is the worst case scenario.
A: Uh...what?
T: Okay, to put it shortly, stop referring to your Waking self as separate from yourself. She's still you. You can wake up and see things for what they really are, see things for what they really are. That's probably why the letters in your name are red when you are Awake. You're asserting, to yourself, that you are still you.
A: So Waking is basically some kind of freaky superpower?
T: Not really. From what I can see, most people who are involved Him Wake sooner or later. You're unusual in that even after Waking you still can still go back to Dreaming. That worries me.
A: So what the fuck is Waking actually?
T: It's being able to see Him. That's all. Any other differences are, well- I have this idea that it's because he doesn't belong in our reality so he fucks shit up.
A: Fair. C'mon, we prolly have time to watch another terrible musical before Mum makes us go to sleep.
Personally, I find that highly informative. Anyone have any thoughts? Other than "DONT TRUST TIKTOK". (I heard you the first time, JediZero.)
Ciao for now,
Ariadne
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
The Labyrinth.
I've been thinking about my Dreams. The ones I have when I sleep while I'm Waking.
There's this phrase that keeps popping into my head from nowhere whenever I'm Awake- "You must find the center in order to find the path back clear."
In my dreams, I'm walking around a labyrinth, trying to find my way out, with this constant feeling that under no circumstances should I turn around, cause I know what I see will be fucking terrifying.
To find a way out, I've got to turn back.
--Ary
There's this phrase that keeps popping into my head from nowhere whenever I'm Awake- "You must find the center in order to find the path back clear."
In my dreams, I'm walking around a labyrinth, trying to find my way out, with this constant feeling that under no circumstances should I turn around, cause I know what I see will be fucking terrifying.
To find a way out, I've got to turn back.
--Ary
Sunday, 2 October 2011
The Waking Dreamer
Note: If you read nothing else in this entry, PLEASE read the last paragraph. I need help with this.)
I'm really sorry I've been so incoherent lately. It's been...pretty weird for me recently. I've slept very little (maybe six hours a night at the absolute most) since I Woke up, and sometimes I have these periods where I'm not just awake but Awake.
Waking is weird. You know how when you're in a dream everything seems a little bit fragmented or disjointed, like it doesn't quite make sense? Being Awake is like that. It's kinda like the White Text Story. I still don't know where the hell that came from, it hasn't happened again, but being Awake is like that.
It doesn't happen often (once every three days or so), and it never lasts long. Usually at night, or in daylight when I'm alone, for less than an hour. It's the only time I can see It. Otherwise I can't see It at all, not while awake anyway.
I can't fall asleep while I'm Awake. Well, I can, but it's really difficult, and if I do I dream about being chased through a maze by...something...probably It. It's always right behind me, and I never have the courage to turn around. And then when I wake up I feel nauseous and end up scrambling to the bathroom and throwing up weird black stuff.
On the upside, if I fall asleep normally, I don't Dream. I dream, but they're normal. The concerning thing is, I think It might still be there, standing in the garden next to the rope swing I used to play on as a kid, staring at me. And unless I'm Awake, I can't even see it.
Tik Tok was right when she said I had to Wake up. I just panicked when I did. It's been right there for who knows how long- since this started? Since before? Did I name this blog "Wakingdream" as a subconscious thing?
Where the fuck do I go from here...
First order of business? The throwing up black stuff. I know there are other bloggers out there, somebody has to know what's up with this and if possible how I can get rid of it safely since just flushing it down the toilet seems a tad risky. I'm gonna comb through the blogs tonight to see if I can find anything- if anybody finds anything or knows where I can find information, PLEASE tell me!
Ciao for now,
Ary
(P.S. I promise Kitten Monday will be on time tomorrow, and from then onwards I'm going to start queuing them, so yeah.)
I'm really sorry I've been so incoherent lately. It's been...pretty weird for me recently. I've slept very little (maybe six hours a night at the absolute most) since I Woke up, and sometimes I have these periods where I'm not just awake but Awake.
Waking is weird. You know how when you're in a dream everything seems a little bit fragmented or disjointed, like it doesn't quite make sense? Being Awake is like that. It's kinda like the White Text Story. I still don't know where the hell that came from, it hasn't happened again, but being Awake is like that.
It doesn't happen often (once every three days or so), and it never lasts long. Usually at night, or in daylight when I'm alone, for less than an hour. It's the only time I can see It. Otherwise I can't see It at all, not while awake anyway.
I can't fall asleep while I'm Awake. Well, I can, but it's really difficult, and if I do I dream about being chased through a maze by...something...probably It. It's always right behind me, and I never have the courage to turn around. And then when I wake up I feel nauseous and end up scrambling to the bathroom and throwing up weird black stuff.
On the upside, if I fall asleep normally, I don't Dream. I dream, but they're normal. The concerning thing is, I think It might still be there, standing in the garden next to the rope swing I used to play on as a kid, staring at me. And unless I'm Awake, I can't even see it.
Tik Tok was right when she said I had to Wake up. I just panicked when I did. It's been right there for who knows how long- since this started? Since before? Did I name this blog "Wakingdream" as a subconscious thing?
Where the fuck do I go from here...
First order of business? The throwing up black stuff. I know there are other bloggers out there, somebody has to know what's up with this and if possible how I can get rid of it safely since just flushing it down the toilet seems a tad risky. I'm gonna comb through the blogs tonight to see if I can find anything- if anybody finds anything or knows where I can find information, PLEASE tell me!
Ciao for now,
Ary
(P.S. I promise Kitten Monday will be on time tomorrow, and from then onwards I'm going to start queuing them, so yeah.)
Saturday, 6 August 2011
what the fuck is this
I have this pad of paper on my desk. It's A2 size and I doodle on it and leave notes to myself and stuff. I woke up this morning and found writing almost covering it. A few points to start on before I show you the image
1. Most if the text is some variant on "wake up".
2. There are also occurrences of "tik tok", "time is running out", "the dreamer must wake" pictures of clocks, one drawing of a person sleeping, the roman numeral II, a picture of our faceless friend, "only the blind can see, only the sleeping can truly wake", and the title of my blog.
3. It's all in my handwriting. All of it.
4. Fuck my life up the ass with an assortment of rusty garden tools.
5. And a chainsaw.
Photos, for the curious:
I don't know what to do. I just want this all to be a nightmare.
Please, please let it be a nightmare.
1. Most if the text is some variant on "wake up".
2. There are also occurrences of "tik tok", "time is running out", "the dreamer must wake" pictures of clocks, one drawing of a person sleeping, the roman numeral II, a picture of our faceless friend, "only the blind can see, only the sleeping can truly wake", and the title of my blog.
3. It's all in my handwriting. All of it.
4. Fuck my life up the ass with an assortment of rusty garden tools.
5. And a chainsaw.
Photos, for the curious:
Welp.
Looks like I'm fucked. Not even the inside of my own head is safe anymore. I can't even trust myself?
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've read the other blogs, blogs about people fighting- there was even a blog in my area, manned by two fighters but they don't remember now, and I'm glad for them, but the fact is I'm a scrawny high school girl who can't even run the cross country without wanting to collapse right afterwards. And running is not an option. I'm sixteen, I'll either be alone or with Penny, and there are dodgy people out there.
I don't know what to do. I just want this all to be a nightmare.
Please, please let it be a nightmare.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Vlog Entry #1
I'm probably just being stupid, but that this has happened right now and in the way that it has makes me more paranoid than I have a right to be. I know I'm just being stupid but I still have this uneasiness niggling at the back of my mind. Hopefully I'll stop freaking out over creepypasta soon, because it's just plain embarassing.
it's just a dream, right? i'm just dreaming.
Monday, 16 May 2011
Kitten Monday #3
It's that time of week again. JEGUS, IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING :D
I'm in a pretty good mood today. I got my classics project back and I got a good mark. Same for my drama project. And we're doing some damn cool stuff in general. Pretty much everyone is tired, though. We had the school musical last week, and it's three weeks in to the new term so we can all expect to be slammed with a bazillion and four assignments, all worth credits. Some of them will have a resubmission opportunity, but better to get it right on the first try.
My friend Penelope says I worry too much. She's probably right, but it's easier for her, ditzy genius that she is. Penelope's super smart, but she lacks common sense and she can be a bit dopey. I love her anyway. She's been my best friend since the first day of my first year of middle school, and she's pretty damn awesome. I have pretty damn awesome friends in general. I'm really lucky to have them.
Well, lunchtime is over, so I'm off to class. Ciao for now.
--Ariadne
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Gahhhhh...
Sorry I haven't updated all week, invisible readers. I've been really tired. I'm really busy with school and extracurricular activities, and I've been sleeping pretty badly ever since the school year started in February. Not horribly, but not very well. To top that off my teachers have decided now is the time to dump a crapload of assignments on me, and I'm in the school musical which we've been performing every night since Tuesday. We have two performances today, an afternoon one and a night one. Then it's all over, and if I didn't have three essays to write before Tuesday morning I would sleep all of Sunday.
On an unrelated note, my cat has decided one of the shelves in my wardrobe is his new hidey hole. Which is cute, but I have to check if he's there before I shut the cupboard door at night (which I always do. The residue of an intense childhood fear there might be monsters in there.) otherwise he scratches at the door when he wants to get out and scares the ever-lovin' fuck out of me.
My glasses (yes, the one's I'm wearing in the my profile picture) have broken. It's fixable, one of the screws just fell apart, but for now I'm wearing contacts, which despite my most valiant efforts, I have never been able to get used to. Sigh. They're gonna be fixed by Monday, thank god, since I've been without them for five days now and I keep reflexively reaching up to adjust them and they aren't there.
Besides all that, life's pretty good. See you all in two days for Kitten Monday, I guess.
Ciao for now,
Ariadne
On an unrelated note, my cat has decided one of the shelves in my wardrobe is his new hidey hole. Which is cute, but I have to check if he's there before I shut the cupboard door at night (which I always do. The residue of an intense childhood fear there might be monsters in there.) otherwise he scratches at the door when he wants to get out and scares the ever-lovin' fuck out of me.
My glasses (yes, the one's I'm wearing in the my profile picture) have broken. It's fixable, one of the screws just fell apart, but for now I'm wearing contacts, which despite my most valiant efforts, I have never been able to get used to. Sigh. They're gonna be fixed by Monday, thank god, since I've been without them for five days now and I keep reflexively reaching up to adjust them and they aren't there.
Besides all that, life's pretty good. See you all in two days for Kitten Monday, I guess.
Ciao for now,
Ariadne
Sunday, 1 May 2011
Dramatis Personae
of a story with a cast of one.
Hi, I guess. I'm Ariadne. Another high school kid bitching about their life on the internet. You know how it goes. I write, so I might post a bit of that here and there. I might talk about my family, or my interests, or whatever. This blog? Probably going to be one long ramble about stuff I think about. My classmates (Roughly 70% idiots, 25% okay, 5% my friends.), books, music, cute things, school, the internet.
School starts up again tomorrow. I'm not sure whether to look forward to it, or dread it, as usual. On the one hand, I get to see a sizeable percentage of my friends every day there, and I enjoy learning. But on the other, it's a Christian, all-girls private school. I have to go to chapel about twice a week (I'm an atheist ._.) and my classmates make me want to bash my head against a wall because some of them are ridiculously stupid. Oh well. In a year and a half I will be out of there and going to university and I will never have to see some of them again.
Enough bitching. I'm going over to a friends place today, so ciao for now.
--Ariadne
Hi, I guess. I'm Ariadne. Another high school kid bitching about their life on the internet. You know how it goes. I write, so I might post a bit of that here and there. I might talk about my family, or my interests, or whatever. This blog? Probably going to be one long ramble about stuff I think about. My classmates (Roughly 70% idiots, 25% okay, 5% my friends.), books, music, cute things, school, the internet.
School starts up again tomorrow. I'm not sure whether to look forward to it, or dread it, as usual. On the one hand, I get to see a sizeable percentage of my friends every day there, and I enjoy learning. But on the other, it's a Christian, all-girls private school. I have to go to chapel about twice a week (I'm an atheist ._.) and my classmates make me want to bash my head against a wall because some of them are ridiculously stupid. Oh well. In a year and a half I will be out of there and going to university and I will never have to see some of them again.
Enough bitching. I'm going over to a friends place today, so ciao for now.
--Ariadne
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