[drown out your lullabyes]

[he sings, and i sing to drown him out.]

[i don't think it would be a good idea to let him out of the maze. which means i am in a pickle, as I do not know whether i am heading out or to the center. i used to be certain it was the latter but i am certain of very little nowadays.]

[people have been telling me it is nice seeing me back to my old self and inquiring as to what happened to make me so morose. i just tell them i was tired, which is the truth.]

[i still feel tired. so very, very tired.]

[i want to sleep. sleep without dreaming, not the sleep he puts you in while he makes you a marionette he uses to hurt others like he did penny. real sleep. i haven't slept like that for getting near a year.]

[i'm tired and i want things to go back to normal again. i want the most worrying thing about my life to be my assignments, want my best friend to not be half a puppet to some monster that doesn't know or doesn't care what it does to the people who's lives it ruins.]

[i feel sick to my stomach, and kind of sad.]

[i'm sick of pretending things are okay, because they're not.]

Kitten Monday #25

[i think i might be onto something]

[i apologise for the coded message earlier but for now it is necessary]

[tik i'm sorry I've been avoiding you at school but the continual deletion of attempts to repost the last few posts on time waits for no-one mean that penny is still at large and i don't want to risk it.]

[if you could perhaps supply me with the current password then i could post the posts you have given me?]

[for now, dear waking, here are some fluffy felines to ease your mood.]

[everything will become clear soon]

the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog


every time I close my eyes I see the maze.


i'm not afraid of you.

the party don't start till I walk in

Um, okay, so over the weekend and today some of the old posts went up on TWFNO/Time Waits and I checked this blog and everything went absolutely nuts.

Over the past couple of days, Tiktok (yes, I did name this post that to make you mad), uploaded 10 posts, one explaining how she was going to upload the posts that used to be on Time Waits and then the first 9 chronological posts of the blog, spanning a period of time from March to April.

I admit, they were hard for me to read. Penny is -- was, perhaps -- a sister to me. if any of you out there have a friend you would honestly throw yourself in front of a bullet for, Penny is that friend to me. The thought that she is now nothing more than a marionette, manipulated to further that thing's cause...that hurts.

I feel like a bad friend, that I didn't notice this happening. I was too wrapped up in my own fucking problems to notice what was happening to her. If Tiktok is telling the truth, there's very little left of her now.

Sometimes I wonder why it even needs proxies. Certainly he's powerful enough to do whatever it is he gets his kicks from without enlisting some feeble human meat puppets.

I have a theory about that. I think It feeds on negative emotion, somehow. The purpose of proxies, of targeting people's friends and family, is to weaken people's resolve and make it easier to get into their head and kill them or proxify them as well and use them on the next victim. I don't know, it's a stupid theory and I'm probably wrong but there seems to be no other reason to act through proxies. Find a victim, get into their head, make them a proxy, use them to get to his next victim, blah blah blah.

It's a stupid idea. Maybe this is just a game to It. Just for shits and giggles. Just fucking around with peoples lives because it feels like it. Just turning people's best friends into a shell, a shadow of who they once were, for no reason. Hurting and killing and screwing peoples lives up like they don't matter.

i'm tired and sad and angry and confused and my chest hurts i've got no one to turn to, not now.

i want to cry.