what the fuck is this

I have this pad of paper on my desk. It's A2 size and I doodle on it and leave notes to myself and stuff. I woke up this morning and found writing almost covering it. A few points to start on before I show you the image

1. Most if the text is some variant on "wake up".
2. There are also occurrences of "tik tok", "time is running out", "the dreamer must wake" pictures of clocks, one drawing of a person sleeping, the roman numeral II, a picture of our faceless friend, "only the blind can see, only the sleeping can truly wake", and the title of my blog.
3. It's all in my handwriting. All of it.
4. Fuck my life up the ass with an assortment of rusty garden tools.
5. And a chainsaw.

Photos, for the curious:

Welp.

Looks like I'm fucked. Not even the inside of my own head is safe anymore. I can't even trust myself?

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've read the other blogs, blogs about people fighting- there was even a blog in my area, manned by two fighters but they don't remember now, and I'm glad for them, but the fact is I'm a scrawny high school girl who can't even run the cross country without wanting to collapse right afterwards. And running is not an option. I'm sixteen, I'll either be alone or with Penny, and there are dodgy people out there. 

I don't know what to do. I just want this all to be a nightmare.

Please, please let it be a nightmare.